At a loss

I was not prepared for this. I thought I would be, but I'm not. I thought that if it happened that I'd have just the right things to say, and they would make it all better, they will be the answer that the situation needed. But... I also knew in the back of my mind that reality is much more complex than that and that it wouldn't be easy, and simple, and perhaps even feasible.

I hardly ever log in to my Book Of Face, it's become "meh" because I suppose I don't care about Farmville or whatever. I do log in to approve friends requests from people I know lest they get upset that I'm not adding them (trust me, it's happened). Well, my last visit... Basically, I now know almost for a fact that one of my good friends has an ED. I'm saying "almost" because she never stated it in precise and certain terms, just something that she said that showed up on my feed, and I went back to look through other status updates and a few notes she's posted and yes, I would be very surprised if I was wrong.

It takes one to know one, I suppose.

I don't know what to do. I said my "good friend" because we used to be good friends, but since she moved to a different part of the country for work we haven't spoken too much, although we both have very warm feelings toward each other, and neither of us needs constant or even frequent communication to feel connected to the other one. Loners we are. But the problem with that is... what do I do? I know I have to talk to her about it, I can't NOT do it, but how do I even bring it up? It breaks my heart to think of what she is going through, and has been going through for who knows how long! She hasn't posted any pictures of herself in over a year, and hasn't said much in general lately. It brings tears to my eyes. For so many reasons. I want my friend to be happy, she is beautiful and wonderful and amazing. And I can't help but feel like some of it (or a lot of it) is my fault, for not being there to see it all earlier and maybe help.

It's not too late. It's never too late. I just don't know what to say. I don't have any answers nor do I have the right words. All I can say is "you are beautiful, and you are in control of your life, and all the good people around you who love you, they love YOU". I'm usually good at finding the right words, the exact way to put something so that it comes together in the best possible way, but clearly not when it matters. I think because it's all still convoluted for me. I can't teach what I don't fully understand. I just want to hug her. I always wish I could take everyone's pain away, and especially in cases like this. I want to be sick and unhappy so those I love are safe from the same.

And you, whoever you are, reading this blog. You are beautiful. You are wonderful. Remember how much you are loved, and love yourself just as much for how great you are. You are in control when it matters, and you are strong. And you always look your best when you hare happy and comfortable with who you are. You don't need to look a certain way, or act a certain way, or anything like that to come across as "great", you ARE great, be yourself.

I don't know what I'm writing, this is just rambling, I don't know.

posted under , , |

No comments:

Post a Comment

Newer Post Older Post Home
Thoughts about work and life.

Anonymous Questions Answered